“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” ― Winston Churchill

I'm still here, still training!

I came down with some kind of tummy bug thing yesterday and got a mile into my run and had to be done. I languished around and then slept for 12 hours and now I'm feeling MUCH better. Glad it was just a 24 hour thing because that race is right around the corner!

As soon as my dad arrives on Saturday we have to go pick up our packets. The race isn't until Sunday but number/packet pickup occurs Friday and Saturday ONLY. No race day pick up. This is really weird to me since every race I've went to watch my dad always had a race day pick up. This race is different since it is a half marathon AND 5K so they want to start ASAP so the roads can be opened up again before the mall opens. Wish me luck!

Tomorrow I'm just going to do a quick mile, do my last day of Ripped in 30 and use Saturday to rest. I'm actually as excited as I am nervous so the two are cancelling each other out for the time being. I'm really just happy to have made it this far after a plethora of pulled muscles, hurt feet, and weak ankles. I'm definitely going to walk during it, and maybe one day I won't walk a 5K but I'm not there yet. I'm just hoping the rain hold off. Happily it is going to be overcast and chilly! I LOVE running in the cold since I get really hot when I run. My body with the extra blubber keeps me plenty warm during a run, and I feel powerful moving through the cold air with my own body heat radiating around me. That was my experience running in the snow at my in-laws' house and I LOVED it! My pants were falling down and my tummy was peaking out and by the end I couldn't feel it but it was a great experience and one I look forward to having again. I still haven't gotten smaller pants so my tummy will probably be peaking out during the whole race but at 23 pounds smaller than when I started, I'm proud of my slightly smaller, slightly less jiggly tummy. Oh well.

Today the scale FINALLY moved. After 5 weeks of stagnation, I lost 1.5 pounds in a week. Damn. I don't know how that happened. I've been so hungry and eating a lot. I don't understand my body nor do I care. If the scale is moving down, I'm a happy girl.

So my Ripped in 30 program is over tomorrow and I've been pondering what to do next. I'm going to do Insanity. My husband looked at me with a semi-horrified expression of disbelief. He watched me try to do it when I was this size 2 year ago. After doing 30 Day Shred and Ripped in 30, I feel comfortable attempting Insanity because I know when to push and when to just kneel down in child's pose and take a breather. Do I think it's going to be easy? Oh heck no, but I believe I can do it. I've pushed through Jillian's workouts and cried and groaned but it made me strong. She broke my body, muscles, spirit and in the end made me stronger.

I'm the strongest 182 pounds I've ever been. I'm not just losing weight to be skinny. I started off with that as a goal. Who doesn't want to strut around in a string bikini with very little body fat and a flat stomach while the men drool and women glare at you all jealous and stuff? I'm still human and suffer from vanity. Honestly, after building my upper body strength enough to be able to do a few man style push-ups, I want to do MORE. I want to have a strong body, not just a skinny body. I want to have strong thigh muscles, not a thigh gap. Seriously what is the obsession with the thigh gap? I don't have a model body and never will, but I CAN have muscles. The goal I want to achieve more than ANYTHING is to go to the doctor next year and have perfect blood pressure, blood work and a healthy weight, and to be told I'm healthy and to keep up the good work. I'd like for my GERD to go away completely. I want to be healthy. I'll wear a whole piece the rest of my life as long as sickness and disease stays away from my body. I'd like to reach 100 if I can. The only thing I can do is try to take care of myself from here on out.

Many people talk about weight loss as a journey, but the thing is it really isn't a journey. Sure the weight loss will stop eventually, but you will spend the rest of your life maintaining it. So many people, including myself, think that they will lose the weight and it will be over. Then you go back to eating as you did before and find yourself gaining weight and back at the start all over again. That's why it is taking me so long to lose weight. The fun part of my "diet" is that I get to eat. A lot. I've been eating 1700-2000+ calories. I have to redo my calorie calculations now for the Insanity diet, but as of 185 I got to eat 2300 calories per day while doing Insanity. It'll probably be more like 2200 now. Yes that's 2200 a day to LOSE weight! That's how hard Insanity is. I can't wait. I LOVE IT!!