Retractions and Rethinking

I've been mulling it over.
And over.
And over.

I don't think the full marathon thing is going to happen for me this year. I was off to a semi good start. Then a small sickness, no big. Second good week. Then the shooting at my work. And since then, I've run once for 3 miles. A week ago.

Did I mention I'm running a half marathon in 12 weeks?

Yeah.

Well the half is going to get done even if I have to crawl across the finish. Hmm sounds like last year when I said the same thing about my first 5k. So I guess I'm still better off than last year.

I have a 10k in 2 weeks on Saturday. Yikes!

Time to really kick it back into gear.

I'm emotionally better since the whole incident on that Saturday. No, I wasn't at work (thank goodness!), but I was on my way and I have gotten to know many people in my store and surrounding stores well so I was worried and so sick the whole day. When we went back to work I was uneasy. Monday through Thursday was depressing to be at work. I just felt like I wanted to cry all day. Very little traffic so we didn't have anything else to think about. I can see the store from our store. People came and paid their respects. I got up the nerve on Tuesday afternoon to do the same. The candlelight vigil is what really helped. A lot of stores, including mine, closed down to attend for 30 minutes. There was something very healing about that cold as heck 30 minutes that helped me. I don't know if I froze the grief out of me, but I haven't been depressed on my way to or at work. What happened was awful and something I hope to never experience first hand. I do not ever want a phone call like the one I got last week ever again.

On the bright side, my friend welcomed her first son into the world! I got to hold him and he melted my heart. I didn't think I'd want children. I thought I'd be one of those happy older people in Cancun without kids living the high life. Yes, more champagne darling!

Maybe it was the awful tragedy at work, or maybe the woman baby hormones finally kicked in but I...I think I want a child. ONE child. I don't think I can put myself through so much physical pain more than once in my life. Mind you, I'm not gunning for one right away. After I got a glimpse at all the work pregnancy is (thank you friends and the internet), I figure it'd be a great idea to get at least 15-20 pounds off. Sure I have 30 to go, but sweets are SO GOOD DAMMIT! And the husband needs to get used to the idea and warm to it since we were all in the "no babies for life" party. But the way he babies our cat and talks with little kids, I'm sure he'll be just fine.

At work I'm officially in charge of the floorsets. Had my first on Tuesday night. I was rough and thankfully I had a ton of help. Between the physical prep and execution of floorsets and marathon training, I was burning the candle at both ends. Some people can work physical(ish) jobs and run marathons. Good for them. This pretzel loving, chocolate chomping, ice cream slurping girl just cannot handle it. Not yet. A half is a good challenge for this year. And perhaps I'll do a second half in the fall like I was planning. I like to jump the gun with things. My friends and family know this fact all too well.

But who knows, maybe I will do it.

For now, it is my stretch goal.

There are so many more things I want to accomplish before becoming a...*gulp*... mommy. Marathon isn't necessarily one of them. I'd love to train for one a year after my future baby arrives. Oh you bet your bottom dollar I'll be out rollin with my jogging stroller. Short mileages of course. Babysitting 12-24 month olds have taught me that they get real heavy, real fast. It'll be more motivation to have my son/daughter cheering me on at the finish line. Aw man, I'm getting soft and sappy already. SMH.

I am in the process of making a list.

Next blog post....The INFAMOUS THINGS TO DO BEFORE BABY LIST!