“There is only one god and his name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: “Not today.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Note: This is a post about my medical experience with anxiety treatment and other health issues. If this is TMI then don't read this post. My purpose in writing this post is three-fold. First, it is to help me de-stress and understand all this information that I've been bombarded with since March. It's a way of accepting this crap and telling the world I'm okay (even when I feel like I'm never going to be okay again). Second, it is my hope to find a kindred spirit who has been through or is facing the same problems as myself. It is weird to be in my 20s and being treated for the same issues facing someone who is 40+. Third, maybe this post will serve to help another person that has been experiencing anxiety problems but is too timid/shy/ashamed to seek help. The best thing you can do is talk to a medical professional about any anxiety/mood problems you may have. Don't wait and LISTEN to your doctor. 

Bless me running community for I have sinned. It has been 2 weeks since my last run and these are my excuses:
               - Pulled calf muscle
               - Anxiety
               - Fear

So, I'm going to need to start over with running. It is a crying shame, but I'm a wimp and anxiety is ruling my LIFE. I was supposed to start today, but, as stated in the three excuses above, I am putting it off until tomorrow.

On the bright side I'm still going strong with Insanity! Despite missing last week, I picked right up again on Monday and I am in the middle of week 2. I'm excited because on Monday I get to do the fit test again to see how I've progressed. Fingers crossed! I love the program so much even though it pushes me to my limits and leaves my gasping for breath sometimes. I blame the endorphin rush after it is over. And the biggest perk is that I don't have to leave my house to do it. BEST. PROGRAM. EVER.

Today I finally got to see the psych about my anxiety that has taken over my life. After a good half hour of talking through my options, I decided the best thing for me to do is to go back on medication. Now I had tons of options with treatment using the prescriptions; I could use a daily medication with a medicine for anxiety or just have the medicine for acute attacks. I have had a horrible experience with medication before so I really wanted to stay away from it, but, being properly educated on the benefits of a milder medication than I was previously taking, I decided it was for the best to give it a try. I'm uber sensitive to any medicine so I'm on the smallest dosage ever, which will help if I do have any bad reactions to the prescriptions.

The biggest deciding factor in choosing medication over therapy for me is the fact that my blood pressure is much too high for someone in their 20's. In addition to the prescriptions, I was told to get a blood pressure monitor to track my pressure so when I go back to the PCP in July we can see how that anxiety medication is working and determine if I need to go on blood pressure medication as well. All I can think is, I'M TOO YOUNG FOR THIS CRAP! And it's all because of my bad food decisions that led to a 50 pound weight gain and my predisposition for mental imbalances.

I want my health back and if taking some medicine once a day will get me back to a normal blood pressure then so be it! The psych was very impressed when I told her I work out at least 30-40 minutes 5-6 times a week so I'm to keep that up along with the medicines and blood pressure monitoring. Let's hope that by July we'll see some movement back toward a normal blood pressure and LIFE!

I'm thankful that my health problems are not life threatening. I could have cancer or some other terminal illness and do not take the health that I do have for granted. It would be nice to be a normal 20-something that doesn't have to take anything more than a daily multivitamin, but that was not the card I was dealt.

I love the quote from A Game of Thrones (thank you, youtube and those who have editing software!):

Not today, Death, not today.

1800 Minute Challenge: 504/1800
(Probably not going to make 1800, but I'm hoping to hit 1000-1200 minutes!)